Si ei au

O definitie a relatiilor  in vremurile noastre, scrisa de ceva vreme totusi.

“The woman in my life, they come and go…

I’m glad they cum, I’m glad I’m cum, I’m glad they go.”

Roy Flanders, un poet frustrat, ce a scris mai mult la bautura si cand era  mai high asa.

Iar legi de pe la ei…

Am gasit niste legi haioase, legi ce inca sunt actuale aici pe la noi. Pot sa zic pe la noi, doar mi-am depus dosarul de cetatenie, da? Stiind ca toate legile de pe aici si de la vecinii nostrii mai instariti, se nasc in baza unor intamplari reale…sa vedem ce le-a trecut prin cap canadienilor:

1. Quebec law states that all business signs must be in French. If the owner wants English on the sign then the French print has to be twice as large as the English print. – nu, ca nu sunt rasisti…dar asa e legea

2. In London, Ontario it is against the city by-law to allow your grass in your front yard to grow any taller then a inch and a half. If you do, the city will come by and cut it for you then give you a fine for $200.

3. No one in Canada is allowed by Canadian law to watch or listen to encrypted broadcast which is not licensed by the Canadian Government. – ceea ce inseamna ca este ilegal sa folosesti sisteme satelit cum ar fi “direct tv” de la vecinii nostrii; adica eu si inca 30-35% din montrealezi incalcam legea ca avem “ligheane” pe balcon.

4. Did you know that Canadian law states that every 5th song on the radio must be by a Canadian born citizen?

5. It is illegal anywhere in Canada to pay for a 26 cent item in all pennies. The limit is 25 cents. If you are paying for your item in nickels, then its illegal to pay for it in nickels if its over $5. Its also illegal to pay for something over $10 dollars in all dimes. – adica chiar daca ai o roaba de monezi si vrei sa faci misto’ de administrator cand te duci sa-i platesti intretinerea chiria, nu prea poti.

5. If you are released from prison, it is required that you are given a handgun with bullets and a horse, so you can ride out of town. – inca este activa legea asta, mi-ar fi placut sa fie operationala si in romanica, banuiesc ca pana acum base si ai lui erau de mult oale si ulcele.

6. You can’t work on your car in the street. – carevasica daca Ing. Adomnitei era p’aici…nu prea mai lucra el la Gordini-urile alea ale lui

7. Citizens may not relieve themselves or spit on the street. Punishable by a fine of over 100 Canadian dollars. – adicatelea, fiecare scuipat te costa 100$; si te mai intrebi de ce au astia bani pentru sigurari sociale

8. The Queen Elizabeth Hotel must feed your horse freely when you rent a room. – deci daca ti-ai luat camera la Queen Elizbet’, stai fara griji, caii ati sunt hraniti moca.

Legi de pe la ei, II

Astazi o a doua parte din ciudatele legi de pe la “ei“:

• In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset
• It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds in Idaho. (Adica ori te duci cu roaba plina ori cu tractorul).
• It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger than the diameter of his thumb. Solutia? Furtunul de la masina de spalat
• Sex toys are banned throughout the state. Adica, marfa de contrabanda acolo este vibratorul?
• Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
• It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.WTF???
• Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
• You may not have more than two dildos in a house.
• Women may not drive in a house coat.
• You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
• It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent.
• It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.
• Children may not wear a Halloween mask unless they get a special permit from the sheriff.
• It is illegal to walk across the Minnesota-Wisconsin border with a duck on your head.

Legi de pe la ei

Acum nu stiu cat de tampite haioase sunt legile romaniei, ca eu dupa un an de drept m-am reparat fara lamaie. Despre legile lu’ astia ce sa mai zic, iote niste mostre:

• No one may visit their departed loved ones late at night.
• Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.
• Oral sex is considered a crime against nature.
• All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart.
• If a man and a woman who aren’t married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married. WTF?!?!
• Horses may not be kept in bathtubs.
• It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.

A? Ceva comentarii?

Si ei au nebunii lor

Inceput de an. Totul  se ia de la capat, bilaturi, balante si alte capete ce se afla sub linie. In anul de gratie 2009 (asa se zice, parca) in Canada, unde ajutorul de somaj te tine in viata si chiar poti trai de azi pe maine, se intampla si neintamplate. Adica intr-o tara cu un sistem social bine pus la punct, cu jdemii de societati de ajutor in orice domeniu, incepand de la dependenta de alcool si droage, pana la dependenta de cumparaturi si alte doage d’astea de le au canadienii, unii e din alt film. Niste unii, quebecosi de altfel, mai de prin nord, au fost concediati. Adica na, criza asta ii afecta pe cei doi. Acum, problema era ca ei nu mai aveau venituri dar in schimb aveau 3 copii. Cum au iesit ei din criza? Pai cam sumbru. El a omorat copiii, ea l-a omorat pe el si cand a incercat sa se sinucida, sa duca planul la bun sfarsit na, a ratat. Asa ca a incercat sa de foc la casa si s-a ratat la mustata. Asta pentru ca pompierii aici chiar vin in 3 minute. Urat lucru sa incepi cu un necrolog….dar si ei au nebunii lor.